Too Hard To Say Goodbye
by Miss-HL
Summary: Another fic with the end of Limey re-written. Spoilers for 47seconds and Limey. This is how it should have ended.


Disclaimer: I wish I owned Castle because this would have happened instead of feeling heart broken about what did happen.

Basically the end of Limey changed and an extra case shoved in there so I could work it with this angle.

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Kate walked around the loft in the early morning not sure what to do.

She thought about getting her things together and leaving but she knew it was rude and Castle had given her somewhere to sleep when she needed it.

His office door was open but his bedroom door was closed. He had stayed up later than her so he could have gone out or had company over.

Kate felt sick at the thought that the flight attendant could be cuddled up with Castle only ten feet away.

She dragged herself away, knowing that she needed to distract herself with something else.

-x-

She started with breakfast, knowing that Castle would be hungry from the intense day at the precinct the day before.

That's if he didn't go out last night.

She shook her head, reaching for the tray of eggs and put the image of him and the blonde at the back of her mind.

There was movement coming from his room, she heard it faintly as she stood at the countertop cooking the bacon.

She was going to talk to him today. Enough of this silent treatment and moody remarks about her, she wasn't going to leave until they had made peace.

"Morning." He mumbled, walking behind the counter.

"Hi." She smiled but he was rubbing his eyes and didn't see.

Before she could register what was going on, his hand ran across her lower back and he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

She froze, eyes wide as she looked up to him.

He pulled a cup down and poured some coffee into it, still looking half asleep.

"What?" He asked, finally noticing the shock on her face.

"Castle, you just kissed me good morning." As the words flew out of her mouth she realised how silly it sounded.

"No?"

"Yes. On the cheek." She let the frying pan sit down on the bench before turning to him.

"Habit I guess, with Alexis." He shrugged, taking his cup and walking across the kitchen.

"I made us breakfast." She said, watching him walk away.

"I'm not really hungry." He tried to smile but it faded before she could take a step closer.

"Oh. Thanks for letting me stay here, Castle. I know it must have been annoying." She was hoping he would smile, tell her that she was being silly and he loved having her here.

"It's ok, Detective Beckett."

The words stung as she watched him walk back into his office.

She stood there motionless, insides churning and eyes already prickling with tears.

"Castle." She called out but she heard his bedroom door close.

-x-

This was enough, she was sick of him treating her like this when she had no idea what she did wrong. She walked towards the closed door, knowing that she wasn't going to run this time.

"Castle!" She called out, letting the door fly open.

He was standing in his bathroom, only in his jeans.

"What?" He asked, tone matching hers perfectly.

"Do it again." She said, standing in the middle of his room.

"What?" He asked, taking a step out of his bathroom.

"Kiss me good morning." She had her hands on her hips, her voice demanding.

"No." He shook his head.

"Why?" She asked, not giving up. Her talk with Lanie was continuingly playing in her mind.

She was taking her stand.

"I'm not going to just kiss you good morning." His voice wavered but then became stern again.

"Why not?" She asked, letting her voice fall quieter, "You don't want to?"

He took a moment to answer. This was crazy; Kate Beckett was standing in his room and demanding that he kiss her.

"Kate-"

"No, don't Kate me. You've followed me around for four years and almost every single day you've said something, made a joke, stared at me, and now here I am, in your bedroom and you don't want to kiss me." She let her hands fall to the sides and she bit her bottom lip.

"It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't."

"Why not?" She asked, shaking her head, "Because you're already in a relationship with the girl in the Ferrari?"

She wasn't going to say her name. No way was she giving him that much satisfaction.

"We're not together." He looked at his feet.

"Do you want to be with her?" Kate asked, holding her breath because this could be it.

This could be the reason he's pulling away from her. He found a girl he likes more than her.

"Do you seriously think that?" He growled, taking a step closer to her.

"What you expect me to think? We are fine one day and then you are pulling away from me and I can't do anything about it. You show up with a new girl and it's like it is Christmas and she's your shiny new toy. I can't fix this if I don't know what's wrong. You want out of the 12th? You're finishing up with Nikki Heat and you don't want to tell me? You're done with me? What is it?" She argued, pushing for his answer even though she wished this conversation wasn't even happening.

His mouth had fallen open at some point and she had managed to render him speechless.

"When my apartment blew up you told me that I had a home to come home to, you invited me here after the bank robbery and for Martha's play but yesterday when I was ordered to stay away from my apartment, you didn't ask me to come home with you. It was only because everyone else had to work that you finally offered and even then it felt like it was a duty."

"You know that you are always welcome here." He stuttered.

"I did, but not anymore. You've hardly said a word to me since we got back last night. You think I like being kicked out of my apartment while a bunch of guys from another precinct sit in there and stake out the person in the building across the street? What did I seriously do for you to hate me so much?"

His mouth had closed but his eyes still held the same shocked expression.

They stared at each other for a moment before Castle took a deep breath in.

"You lied." He said quietly, looking to his feet.

"What?"

"You told me you don't remember getting shot, what I told you and then you told that guy in the interrogation room that you remember everything."

Suddenly it all hit her. The coffee on her desk now made sense when she got back from interviewing the guy. He'd been there and heard everything.

She took a deep breath in realising that this was entirely her fault.

"I'm sorry." She said, not knowing where to start.

"If it's taken this long to figure out, I don't think you are." He said, eyes meeting hers properly for the first time since she pushed her way into his room.

"You think I liked lying to you all this time? You think that it didn't hurt me to do it?" She asked, voice soft.

"Well it can't of hurt that much if you did it for ten months. Why didn't you just say you didn't feel the same and it could have been over?"

"Didn't feel the same?" She stood back, her stomach cramping with fear.

"You could have just told me that you just wanted to be friends and then it would have been fine, I would've gotten over you and we wouldn't be standing here right now."

"I didn't know if you meant it, Rick. When I woke up I had this dream where I was dying in the grass and you told me you loved me. I knew it couldn't be true but then I started to realise it was. I wanted to see you and make it all ok but Josh was there and I'd been shot. I went to the cabin to sort myself out and I decided that I couldn't love you back."

He hung his head down, his eyes closing.

She'd confirmed it, she didn't love him.

"Look at me, Rick." She took a step forward and reached for his arm but he stood back.

"Castle, please."

He looked up to her, eyes full of sadness and hurt.

"I couldn't love you because I wasn't ready to love anyone, I couldn't love you because I was so scared that you would get hurt the next time and I cant stand to think of putting you in pain, I couldn't love you because I'm damaged and you deserve more than I can ever be."

He went to interrupt her but she shook her head.

"But then you came back and week after week those feelings changed. I stopped myself pushing the feelings away and let them in. I wanted to tell you every time you sat down in your chair at the precinct that I heard you and I felt the same way, but it was never the right time. Then I wondered how upset you'd be at me when you'd found out that I lied and I couldn't deal with it. Having you as my partner was going to have to be enough but then you showed up at the crime scene with the blonde and you walked away from me and it hurt more than I could ever imagine. I don't want to lose you but I can't change your mind and what I feel isn't enough for you anymore."

He didn't know what to say.

"I'll get my stuff and go. I tried but I've done too much wrong and I shouldn't have expected any less. I'm sorry." Her detective voice was back as she went to walk out of his room, taking one last look at him.

He didn't follow her, didn't chase after her and tell her it was going to be ok.

She was almost at the front door when he pulled the bag from her hand and dropped it by the door.

"Castle." She was shaking her head trying to get her bag but he pulled her towards the kitchen, not saying a word.

His grip was firm but forgiving but she couldn't figure out the expression on his face.

"Stand there." He demanded, standing to where she had stood earlier when she had been cooking breakfast.

"Rick."

"Just do it." He pleaded, nudging her a bit.

She turned from him, hands rested on the counter.

"If I do this then you have to know that this is it. No more hiding from feelings and lying, this is forever." His voice was soft.

She slightly nodded, biting her bottom lip in the process. She felt his hand run across her lower back, gently squeezing her hip as he stood behind her. His breath was hot against her neck as he let his arms wrap around her middle. He kissed her cheek and kept his lips against her ear.

"Good morning, Kate."

* * *

**Ah, I hope you like it. I wish this happened. It's supposed to be a one shot but I don't know if it's finished enough just yet.**

**Tell me what you think.**

**Hannah**


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